In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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