God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize