from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
