tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
