david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
