I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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