hotel room ftw
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
