Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
