Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
