Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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