If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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