I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
