So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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