Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
