we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
