I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
