It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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