Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
