I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
