Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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