Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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