speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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