the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
