i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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