She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
