Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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