I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
