I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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