Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
