Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
