I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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