You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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