What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
