I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
