Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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