At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
