i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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