I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
