Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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