...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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