so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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