Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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