I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
