I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
