The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
