Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
