Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
