All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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