i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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