I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
