she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
