she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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