The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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