We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
3pm strippers are depressing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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