Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize