we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
