u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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