Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
