I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
