they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
