I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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