All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
