I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
