that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
