things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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